To Toot Or Not To Toot, That Is The Question

It’s Okay To Toot Your Own Horn As Long As You Don’t

Think You’re The Only Instrument In The Orchestra!

So this line of thought started for me when I read a Facebook post by my friend, Michael Dunlop, the brilliant entrepreneur son of my brilliant entrepreneur friend and mentor, Barry Dunlop. Michael was venting a bit about seeing so many people bragging on themselves on Facebook, talking about how amazing they were. And I posted the following comment:

I know exactly what you mean, but it is sometimes true that people will have to toot their own horn because no one else will do it. You and I and your dad are so fortunate to have others who sing our praises and appreciate what we are putting out into the world. I think we need to be super sensitive to those who are not so fortunate, who are maybe just starting out, who may be insecure, or may just be untalented or uninteresting. And I think what separates us from some of these others is the fact that while we may think we’re amazing, we are very willing to acknowledge how amazing other people also are. If you toot your own horn, don’t act like you’re the only instrument in the orchestra!

And I was reminded of some long ago conversations with Jack Canfield on the subject of self-esteem. This was Jack’s passion before Chicken Soup For The Soul or The Secret, and the subject of his first book, way back in 1978. I’ll date myself, too, by mentioning that he featured one of my original exercises in the book.

So one of the main issues in the whole discussion about self-esteem in those days was whether it wasn’t about the annoying and destructive bragging Michael (and all the rest of us) is put off by. Fear of offending society by bragging led to a whole generation of meek kids unwilling to toot their own horns. And then studies showed that self-esteem had a lot to do with learning ability, and even more to do with future success in life. And sometimes self-esteem means you have to be the one to toot your own horn, though it’s always better if someone else volunteers to do it for you. For instance, my old friend Jack Canfield, has had some really nice things to say about me and my work, and will mention both prominently in his newsletter in a few weeks. And this is also why I decided to gather all the endorsements and testimonials you’ll find in The Moneylove Club link at the top of this page.

It can be a fine line between coming across as confident and self-assured, or appearing arrogant and self-aggrandizing. This latter terms refers to enhancing or exaggerating your attributes. Politicians do this all the time. It’s tooting one’s own horn out of tune and much too loudly. But if you’re someone with some authentic skills and talents, someone who lives by what is becoming my main mantra–Saying what you can and will do, then doing it–no one will be upset or offended when you toot your horn a bit. A friend of mine is about to enter into an online partnership with a very successful entrepreneur who she describes as a “blowhard.” Every time she engages him in a conversation about their mutual goals, he spends most of the time telling her how wonderful he is and listing all his many accomplishments. Because it can be a big breakthrough for her business, she is still planning to go ahead with the partnership, but trying to figure out how to put buffer zones between her and this major horn tooter. In this situation, no matter how successful their partnership is, it will be less than it could have been if he weren’t a horn tooting blowhard. And perhaps the saddest thing of all is that he doesn’t have to be. Whatever his deep-rooted insecurity at the foundation of this need to impress, he has actually accomplished a lot and would receive much more in the form of other people tooting his horn if he only allowed the room for it to happen and be heard. He drowns out almost every other sound with his noise.

I’ll bet you know of a few people like this, talented people who give the impression they aren’t by how loudly they toot their horns right in your ear. I could mention a couple of my own quite famous and successful friends who are guilty of this, and all I could ever think of when it happened, often, was how sad that they have so little faith and belief in themselves that they have to keep trying to fill the space around them with loud self-accolades.

So by all means, toot your own horn once in a while, but keep it somewhat muted, and in tune with what is going on around you. And it always makes good sense to sing your own praises a little more softly than the world arounds you sings them.

Jerry